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I’m being stalked by the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. As though everything I’ll ever pursue or want to pursue, will be in vain, I’m not good enough to complete anything in it’s entirety. I’ll never be where I want to be, probably ever. Thoughts as these are depressing and’ll have you writing a will at a very young age.
There’s this feeling that I have. I don’t want to be awake anymore but I don’t want to sleep, well I’m not sleepy. There’s another feeling I have. It’s one where someone shops and buys new things just to have something to look forward to for a while, to keep themselves moving because life doesn’t provide enough momentum to do that for them. There’s a feeling I wish i had. It’s not so much a feeling as it is a completeness.
Today, for the first time in a long time, I heard the birds sing. I can’t remember where I was or what I was doing, but it upset me. I hate warm weather.
It’s a wonder how much time of your life you spend wishing you were someone else, somewhere else where Why me is a plea for an escape, a quick exit located at the back of life which leads to a new person begging for the same ticket out.
We’re all secretly miserable.
Have you ever gone through your playlist and listened to the songs that you never really listen to and wonder Why don’t I listen to these anymore? Maybe they remind you of a time you’d rather forget and you’d much rather skip the song than relive the hurt. But it’s bittersweet. The lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with you, but in your mind it speaks in the voice you want to forget but long to hear. Your heartbeat mimics the beats of the drum and with every chord follows a punch to the gut. And when it finally ends it leaves you bruised with the courage to face the other skipped tracks.
I hope the next one is the last.
After a while, you learn that everything is what it is, once you’ve learned to turn the other cheek so well.
After many trips over my shoulder I’ve learned that it’s hard for people to let go of what is not.
Like us.
So, if you will, please follow my lead…
Ignorance is bliss but even better with a group.
We were never where you thought we were.
The worst feeling you could ever experience is the one you feel when you realize that you aren’t being true to yourself. And if you can’t be true to yourself then just how trustworthy are you?
Grains of salt never seemed so small…
Between the “faking it” for an ex-lover and the buying gifts for others only to feel good about yourself, you start to feel a bit lonely and really useless. You forget why you wring yourself dry doing things as this and begin to feel stupid. Is there a reason? Or are you just a doormat?
I could be a reasonable doormat if I tried…
It is extremely difficult to gift shop for someone when they follow you into every store. I’m sure they know what their gift is now.
Merry Friggin’ Christmas.
